red sox nation

had to post

mechville flurry

couching it

i've been zombified lately. a tired mofo.

loco thoughts harassed my everyday. as to what was causing my lethargic behavior? things such as possible cancer, internal bleeding, etc. and google was my worse enemy researching all the what if's. 

i eat fairly well. drink tea. occasionally workout. eat pho.

however, work is stressful. raising an infant and toddler can be stressful. the plethora of bills is stressful. or our two year old sleeping in bed with us could be the issue. a queen size bed is not sufficient enough with a toddler spinning 180's all night and rest/kicking his feet on your back!

the last few nights i decided to camp out on the couch.

my first night of transition, the minute my head fell on my pillow and my body stretched out- i was lights out. then instantly it seemed (hearing my wife rustle about)- i awoke angrily yelling at my wife asking her, "why are you up so late?!!!" 

she laughed of course and stated its 6:00 am. amazing. let's repeat some more! and of course, my energy levels have skyrocketed:)

ct & landon rock my socks off!

don't take life too seriously

cliche but true.

she's amazing

the countdown was on. glancing at the clock, the crimson red digits of 2:38am shot at me with mockery. i thought to myself, "am i really doing this?"

evan, laying in the other bed in our hotel room was restless as well. for hours we nonchallantly conversed about past experiences, how he would always try to get us in trouble in our youth. evan duggan, my cousin, my role-model, my best man, how thankful i was for his support!

Laughter tore through the room as we both relayed old stories of us roaming freely in our grandfathers junkyard. "man," i thought with a smirk on my face--"I miss those times!"

then evan inquired, "remember that day...when you called me and said, i think i'm going to ask her to marry me?"

"yeah," i said with a chuckle.

"i thought you were nuts," he replied bluntly.

He went on to re-tell that day, where he tried to knock some sense in me. Evan has always been like a big bro. Growing up as an only child, he was always someone i could trust and relate to.

"and here i am," i thought to myself.  following-through with the most important decision of my life, marriage. and evan knew this time... i was serious.

for hours it seemed, we went back and forth confiding in each other. it was exactly what i needed. the laughter subsided and i was still awake. but without any nervousness, just of many thanks and gratitude-- especially for evans support in all of this. glancing back at the alarm clock, the red digits blared 4:38 am, it was definately time for bed!

"marriage," i mumbled, "its going to be wonderful." and finally... i slept.

because of the slightest inclination

more like an itch.

as usual, my mind is racing with thoughts in the wee hours of the night, reminiscing perhaps, calculating...nah too late for that. i blame this luke warm cup of green tea, camellia sinensis, yummy caffeine.

sometimes i feel like i was suppose to be born in another time, let's say the 50's. "Ain't that a kick in the head!" i'd find myself in a new england tavern, with a glass of cabernet munching on pretzels, listenin to some dean martin. and i'm pondering on the idea of where my ambitions have gone. damn inhibitions. the musings i've once thought wonderful has faded away, just like my once revving metabolism that was in full force 24/7 while endulging on lifes tasty, but fattening morsels-- without a worry. now thats changed. i've even thought about going on a cabbage diet to keep me at bay, and to offset the splurge of summer time festivites which exceedingly includes tall glasses of miller lite. and of course, a few foamy tall glasses of guiness.

quite frankly i'm in discord. a bit lost. jaded. a bit frumpled. awkward in my steps. work is work. actually work is...nevermind about that but family's great! friends of VA we've adored these past few years-- phenomenal! i keep active, play coed softball, mens tourney basketball league, even bought a delightful, dream of a smith machine, a formidable weight system in my house. its collecting dust. love playing the acoustic guitar. wait, loved would be the correct term since my guitar is all busted up!

due process. as we get older, we lose the creativity, the will power to beat inhibitions to the curb, thats the law of life. falling into a routine. pursuing the american dream, get married/buy a house/have kids/compete with mr. and mrs. smith next door/praise'm baby jesus at church/go on a vacation or two a year. i say its a drab. ideal yes, exhilarating, no. and gosh, what is up with retiree's pruning their lawns religiously?! watching them outside exert the energy they do...drives me absolutely crazy!

a good friend of mine called recently from up north. simply stated, without any, "adam, whats up? how's the fam? hows Va? **i have sold the family business, sold my condo, my apartments, my cars, and i'm moving to haiti." what the junk?! can't be serious, he's totally messing with me! i'm not the same gullible inexperienced froshie in college years ago. you can't come at me like that. you're out of your mind! after some prying and collective data from other viable sources, my good friend was indeed telling the truth. wow?! he's making six figures plus running his dad's window installation company, bouncing to go volunteer for an orphanage in haiti just because of one morning, waking up and growing a conscience? think not. he's looking for that edge, something to beat those inhibitions, his routines. i'm a bit envious.

what about the guy, headlined all over the news, collected water bottles for years then built an island, a self sufficient island with all his needs readily accessible. chickens, veggies from his garden, etc. or the lady who is rowing across the pacific, she's already completed the atlantic! quit her corporate, six figure income job, got sponsors and boom- gone. thats hanging your balls out there.

i'm ready for a long rainy week with a few thunderstorms to boot. i just might jump in some puddles, run amuck and find the catalyst to a temporary fix of satisfaction. whatever that is, i welcome it. for now, i'll keep trekking along in my daily routines. now i'm inclined to get some shut eye and good night's rest, if rest is what you call it.